Everybody Can Shut Up About How Cold It Is Outside, It's Finally ODR Season
So I wake up this morning and all I see on my timeline is a buncha hosers bithin’ and whinin’ about how cold it is outside. Takin’ screenshots of temperature on their phone like I can’t just walk outside and feel the weather for myself. I’m just over here like “first winter of your life I guess, eh bud?”. As if it doesn’t get cold every other year and this is just some new phenomena. You try spending a winter wheelin’ around in Saskatoon and then come talk to me about how much you can’t wait for summer again.
Anyway, these people are all bozos. Why? Well because they don’t even realize that it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Not because some fat ass old man is about to break & enter into everybody’s home in a few weeks. But because it’s finally Outdoor Rink season. Or even better, the time of the year where you can finally play a little pondies with the boys. It doesn’t matter if your rink is in the backyard…
Or on the rooftop of some building in Toronto…
Or on the side of a gosh darn mountain…
It doesn’t matter. Because there’s nothin’ better than waking up on a Saturday morning knowing that you’ve got a full day out on the ice with the boys ahead of ya. No skating drills. No coach there to bitch at you when you go between the legs for every shot. Just you and the fellas out there saucin’ until the sun goes down and nobody can feel their face anymore. Best time of the year.
P.S. – my favorite pond hockey moment growing up was when I was in peewees. Our coach had a heart attack that season so we needed a new guy to fill in for the rest of the year. So one day we’re out on the pond saucin’ around and that’s when we meet the new coach. Some fancy rich dude who drives around in a limo. And the guy actually had his limo driver take him out onto the ice. It was crazy. A limo on the ice and it didn’t crack. Anyway, our team wasn’t really good that year and to be honest, we kinda sucked. But this fancy rich lawyer taught us everything he knew and most importantly, taught us how to be a team. We ended up winning the championship that year and it’s all because this jackass drove a limo out onto the frozen pond. He ended up banging my mom later but that’s a whole different story that we can get into when I tell you about how I played for Team USA at the Junior Goodwill Games.
P.P.S. – I think this blog is better if you read it in your head with a heavy Canadian accent.